You don’t know me. No, you read my blog and you think you have some inkling of what I am like or who I am. You don’t! You don’t know what my favorite color is… you don’t know my favorite music… you don’t even know what I enjoy eating. So, it may come as some surprise to my many readers… (If there any of you out there), that I enjoy playing and writing music. Most of it is pretty horrible.

In case you need a sample of the horrible quality here you go!


See wasn’t that horrible! Okay now that you have listened to my shitty garage band music, let me tell you a couple thing about what you are hearing so you understand. I have been playing music most of my life and it has always been at a mediocre level. I have never really dedicated myself to the art of writing songs, or learning the nuance of melody. I play everything sort of from feeling, if it sounds tonally correct I go with it.

I did once believe that I might have had a career in music – nearly 20 years ago. I quickly ended that dream by simply playing too much Magic: The Gathering (card games/board games should be another podcast topic eventually). That didn’t stop me from forming or playing in bands of some sort throughout high school and college. Watch out… we play the greatest hits from the 90s in your local coffee shop like some psycho version of Phoebe from friends.

So… what does any of this have to do with the here and now? Well, I never really stopped thinking about making an album. I have several ideas floating around in my head at all times and let me tell you, I could really write another shitty high fantasy concept album that will blow the minds for some 12 year olds playing Dungeons and Dragons! On that note… do 12 year olds play Dungeons and Dragons anymore? Remember that shit was the original MMO – well without the O. (Sort of like my wife…)

The problem I run into is that writing music is actually really fucking hard. You write lyrics, fit music to it or vice versa. Then you record it or run through it, hack at it, get the words down, try to find a flow, sing in some horrible off pitch register, and maybe have a song. Now… do that like 8-10 times and it can take a while. Then, you have to remember all the shit you wrote and recorded in case someone wants you to play it.

I will say that playing music, at least your own music, is a lot easier than trying to play someone else’s. People either want to hear you play like a record or they expect some amazing reworking of the original track. Fuck you, just enjoy the music, if you didn’t like the song to begin with it isn’t my job to make it better.

So, I am telling you this because I have about three songs written so far (I have written probably 50 or so in my lifetime and forgotten 47 of them). That means I am closing in on the sweet spot of producing something shitty and releasing it to the world. I mean, I know it is gonna suck, but maybe some tone deaf person will really enjoy hearing my frog like vocals and inane lyrics.

All I know is that trying to write music really, really sucks. Like major goat turd suckage!